The Sphere of Reason

A Hypotenuse in Traffic...

2010-12-22T15:49:00.000-08:00

Film Log (added: ... the shortest way to the HOSPITAL!)

New
Daybreakers ... B-
Dear John ... C-
Eat Pray Love ... D+
Edge of Darkness ... C+
Extraordinary Measures ... D+
Fish Tank ... D+
Frozen ... D+
Leap Year ... D
Legion ... D+
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief ... C+
Red ... D+
Tooth Fairy ... C-
When in Rome ... D
Valentine's Day ... B

Older
On Baby Blue [s] (2007) and Powers of Ten [s] (1968)
Batman: The Animated Series (1992)
The Great Happiness Space (2006)
Marci X (2003)
The Prestige (2006)
Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987)

-

And Then the Cantaloupes Eat the Grass!

2010-05-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Evicted - A Sob Story)

New
Aliens in the Attic (2009) ... C+
Astro Boy (2009) ... B+
The Blind Side (2009) ... C-
The Book of Eli ... C+
The Box (2009) ... C-
Capitalism: A Love Story (2009) ... C-
A Christmas Carol (2009) ... D
Fanboys (2009) ... D+
Fired Up! (2009) ... F
The Girlfriend Experience (2009) ... B-
Grown Ups ... D
Imagine That (2009) ... D
Invictus (2009) ... C-
Ninja Assassin (2009) ... F
Paranormal Activity (2009) ... F
Phoebe in Wonderland (2009) ... B
Planet 51 (2009) ... C
A Serious Man (2009) ... B-
Up in the Air (2009) ... C
World's Greatest Dad (2009) ... D+

Oldies
Encounters at the End of the World (2008) ... B-
Holes (2003) ... B+
Memento (2001) ... A
Nasu: Summer in Andalusia [m] (2003) ... A
X2: X-Men United (2003) ... A-

-

Now I'm Radioactive ... That Can't Be Good!

2009-11-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

Film Log (added: I Am ~~Sam~~ Soloist)

New
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs ... C+
Crank 2: High Voltage ... C-
Drag Me to Hell ... D
(500) Days of Summer ... D+
Gamer ... C
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra ... D
I Love You, Beth Cooper ... F
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs ... D+
Jennifer's Body ... D
Land of the Lost ... C+
Law Abiding Citizen ... D+
Mary and Max ... C
9 ... C
Sita Sings the Blues ... B
The Soloist ... D
Surrogates ... C
The Taking of Pelham 123 ... D+
Trick 'r Treat ... D
Up ... B
Zombieland ... D

Oldies
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (1993) ... A

-

Mana Burn ... Stops Blue from Being Broken!

2009-07-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li's Epic Voiceover Narration)

New
Adventureland ... C
Angels and Demons ... C
The Boat That Rocked ... D+
Coraline ... B-
Dance Flick ... C
Duplicity ... B
Fast and Furious ... D+
The Hangover ... F
I Love You, Man ... C
Like You Know It All ... B-
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian ... C-
Observe and Report ... F
Obsessed ... F
Ong-Bak 2 ... C+
The Pink Panther 2 ... D+
Ponyo on the Cliff ... B+
The Proposal ... D
17 Again ... D
Star Trek ... C
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li ... D+
Terminator Salvation ... C-
Year One ... C

Oldies
Doubt (2008) ... C

-

Gettin' a Fistful of Bolt 2

2009-06-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: The Curious Case of Old People's Endless Dramatic Laments and Annoyingly Protracted Dialogue)

New
Charlie Bartlett (2008) ... C-
CJ7 (2008) ... B
Confessions of a Shopaholic ... C
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) ... C
Defiance (2008) ... D
Definitely, Maybe (2008) ... C+
The Flight of the Red Balloon (2008) ... B
Four Christmases (2008) ... F
Funny Games U.S. (2008) ... C-
He's Just Not That Into You ... C-
Hotel for Dogs ... C-
Inkheart ... C+
The International ... B-
Journey to the Center of the Earth ... D
Notorious ... C-
Push ... C
Quarantine (2008) ... C
Revolutionary Road (2008) ... C-
Splinter (2008) ... D

Oldies
"The Universe" (2007) ... C

-

Chimp + Hockey = Makes You Think!

2009-05-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: The Most Important Moment of History Ever in the History of History as Told by Ron Howard, Fanciful Teller of Tales Who Graciously Just Gave Us a Film Slightly Shorter Than Two Hours, A Feat He Has Not Acccomplished Since How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Which Nobody Actually Watched)

New
Baby Mama (2008) ... C-
Bigger, Stronger, Faster (2008) ... B
Bride Wars ... D+
Choke (2008) ... D
Doubt (2008) ... C+
88 Minutes (2008) ... C-
Flawless (2008) ... C+
Frost / Nixon (2008) ... C
Frozen River (2008) ... D+
Killshot ... D
Made of Honor (2008) ... D
Marley & Me (2008) ... F
Meet Dave (2008) ... C
Never Back Down (2008) ... F
Paul Blart: Mall Cop ... D
Postal (2008) ... D
Predator X ... C
Rachel Getting Married (2008) ... B
[ Rec ] ... C+
Righteous Kill (2008) ... D+
The Spirit (2008) ... D
Transsiberian (2008) ... C
The Unforeseen (2008) ... C+
The Uninvited ... C+
Valkyrie (2008) ... C+
The Visitor (2008) ... D+
The Wackness (2008) ... C
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden? (2008) ... F

Oldies
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) ... A
Live Free or Die Hard (2007) ... A-

-

It's Pythagoras ... the Flying Horse!

2009-03-14T01:03:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: YOU'RE WRONG EGGROLL!!!!!)

New
Australia ... C
Azur and Asmar ... D+
Babylon A.D. ... D+
Bangkok Dangerous ... D+
Beverly Hills Chihuahua ... F
Blindness ... D
Body of Lies ... C+
Bolt ... C+
Burn After Reading ... B
Changeling ... D+
Chicago 10 ... C+
City of Ember ... B-
The Day the Earth Stood Still ... C
Get Smart ... C
Ghost Town ... B-
Gran Torino ... C
Hamlet 2 ... C
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay ... D+
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army ... B-
Horton Hears a Who! ... B-
The House Bunny ... C-
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People ... C
Igor ... B-
The Incredible Hulk ... C-
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull ... C+
JCVD ... B-
Lakeview Terrace ... C-
The Love Guru ... D+
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa ... D+
Man on Wire ... C+
Mirrors ... D
Mongol ... C
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor ... D+
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist ... C-
Passengers ... D
Pineapple Express ... C+
Pride and Glory ... C
Quantum of Solace ... C+
Redbelt ... C+
Religulous ... D
Resident Evil: Degeneration ... C-
Seven Pounds ... F
Slumdog Millionaire ... D
Space Chimps ... C-
Speed Racer ... B-
Standard Operating Procedure ... B-
Star Wars: The Clone Wars ... C-
Step Brothers ... C-
Superhero Movie ... D+
Swing Vote ... D+
Sword of the Stranger (2009) ... C+
Taken (2009) ... B-
The Tale of Despereaux ... C-
Transporter 3 ... C+
Twilight ... C
W. ... C-
Waltz with Bashir ... C-
Wild Child ... C
Woman on the Beach ... B
Yes Man ... C
You Don't Mess with the Zohan ... C

-

100% Humidity ... I'm Underwater!

2008-12-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

Film Log (added: NOT THE BEES!)

New
Death Race ... C-
Diary of the Dead ... D
Disaster Movie ... F
Eagle Eye ... D+
The Girl Who Leapt Through Time ... A-
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale ... C
Mamma Mia! ... D+
Max Payne ... C-
Semi-Pro ... D+
Sex and the City ... C+
21 ... D+
Vexille ... C

-

Not Even an Eternity Lasts Forever!

2008-10-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Walkabout, or Nature: 12,410, Civilization: 0)

New
Doomsday ... D+
The Forbidden Kingdom ... C+
Forgetting Sarah Marshall ... B-
Hancock ... D
The Hottie and the Nottie ... D
Iron Man ... B-
Jumper ... C-
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl ... B
Kung Fu Panda ... B
Mad Money ... F
One Missed Call ... D
Prom Night ... F
The Ruins ... C
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 ... B
Street Kings ... C+
10,000 B.C. ... D+
Untraceable ... D+
Vantage Point ... C-
Wanted ... C+

Older
Atonement (2007) ... C+
Dragon Hunters ... D+
The Happening ... F
In Bruges ... C
Nim's Island ... C+
The Spiderwick Chronicles ... C+
We Are the Strange (2007) ... F

-

Isostatic Rebound ... It's a Trampoline!

2008-08-03T17:17:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Victory Through Artistic Propaganda?)

New
Atonement (2007) ... C+
Dragon Hunters ... D+
The Happening ... F
Iron Man ... B-
In Bruges ... C
Nim's Island ... C+
The Spiderwick Chronicles ... C+
We Are the Strange (2007) ... F

Older
The Air I Breathe ... F
American Gangster (2007) ... C-
The Dark Knight ... B+
The Great Debaters (2007) ... D
Hitman (2007) ... C-
Juno (2007) ... C+
No Country for Old Men (2007) ... B-
Wall * E ... B

The Termites ... Ate My House Up!

2008-06-22T02:11:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Rebel Without a Cause ... But with Plenty of Angst, Unfortunately)

New
The Air I Breathe ... F
American Gangster (2007) ... C-
The Dark Knight ... B+
The Great Debaters (2007) ... D
Hitman (2007) ... C-
Juno (2007) ... C+
No Country for Old Men (2007) ... B-
Wall * E ... B

(2008 stuff now looking spiffy. More movies to come shortly.)

I Have an Atlas ... There Are Maps in It!

2008-03-18T03:13:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: 2008 junk to come now that TRON IS ACTIVE)

New
In the Land of Women (2007) ... C+
Martian Child (2007) ... C+
Super Smash Brothers Brawl ... A-

Older
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) ... C
The Brave One (2007) ... F
Cloverfield ... C+
Gone Baby Gone (2007) ... B
In the Valley of Elah (2007) ... C
Meet the Spartans ... F
Once (2007) ... C
Redline (2007) ... F
30 Days of Night (2007) ... B-

Your Weapons Are Useless Against Me!

2008-02-16T02:37:00.000-08:00

Film Log (added: What a Day?)

New
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) ... C
The Brave One (2007) ... F
Cloverfield ... C+
Gone Baby Gone (2007) ... B
In the Land of Women (2007) ... C+
In the Valley of Elah (2007) ... C
Martian Child (2007) ... C+
Meet the Spartans ... F
Once (2007) ... C
Redline (2007) ... F
Super Smash Brothers Brawl ... A-
30 Days of Night (2007) ... B-

Older
Across the Universe ... D
Beowulf ... B-
Bratz ... F
Charlie Wilson's War ... C
Day Night Day Night ... C
Death at a Funeral ... F
Deep Water ... B
"Duel" ... D
Enchanted ... B
The Game Plan ... D
How the Earth Was Made ... B+
I Am Legend ... C+
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters ... B+
Lions For Lambs ... C
"1968 With Tom Brokaw" ... B-
Resident Evil: Extinction ... C+
Rush Hour 3 ... C-
"Shockwave" ... F
Sunshine ... B-
Superbad ... B-
Talk To Me ... C+
3:10 To Yuma ... B
Underdog ... F
War ... C

You've Just Had Your Last Cheesebread!

2007-12-08T04:18:00.000-08:00

Film Log (added: The Brave One; Save the Eagles; The Little Mermaid)

New
Across the Universe ... D
Beowulf ... B-
The Brave One ... F
Bratz ... F
Charlie Wilson's War ... C
Day Night Day Night ... C
Death at a Funeral ... F
Deep Water ... B
"Duel" ... D
Enchanted ... B
The Game Plan ... D
How the Earth Was Made ... B+
I Am Legend ... C+
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters ... B+
Lions For Lambs ... C
"1968 With Tom Brokaw" ... B-
Resident Evil: Extinction ... C+
Rush Hour 3 ... C-
"Shockwave" ... F
Sunshine ... B-
Superbad ... B-
Talk To Me ... C+
3:10 To Yuma ... B
Underdog ... F
War ... C

Older
The Astronaut Farmer ... C-
Balls of Fury ... D+
The Bourne Ultimatum ... B
Fay Grim ... B-
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ... B-
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry ... C
The Last Legion ... C
License to Wed ... D+
The Lives of Others ... B-
Mr. Brooks ... C+
Perfect Stranger ... D
Shoot 'Em Up ... B
Stardust ... B
Transformers ... D+

Body Massage Machine ... Go!

2007-10-10T02:18:00.001-07:00

Film Log (added: Star Trek II; U-571; Milk Bomb Bond)

(Seeing green? Go here. We've got a whole new laziness plan under way. Ready to roll out etc.)

New
The Astronaut Farmer ... C-
Balls of Fury ... D+
The Bourne Ultimatum ... B
Fay Grim ... B-
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ... B-
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry ... C
The Last Legion ... C
License to Wed ... D+
The Lives of Others ... B-
Mr. Brooks ... C+
Perfect Stranger ... D
Shoot 'Em Up ... B
Stardust ... B
Transformers ... D+

Older
Becoming Jane ... C
D-War ... D
Daddy Day Camp ... D
Firehouse Dog ... D
Hot Rod ... D+
I Know Who Killed Me ... F
The Invasion ... C+
The Lookout ... C+
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End ... C+
The Simpsons Movie ... B-
Waitress ... B-
Who's Your Caddy? ... F

Egyptian History ... It's Of the Thutmose Importance!

2007-09-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Shaolin Soccer; Top Gun; Animal Cruelty Advocacy Program #376)

New
Becoming Jane ... C
D-War ... D
Daddy Day Camp ... D
Firehouse Dog ... D
Hot Rod ... D+
I Know Who Killed Me ... F
The Invasion ... C+
The Lookout ... C+
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End ... C+
The Simpsons Movie ... B-
Transformers ... D+
Waitress ... B-
Who's Your Caddy? ... F

Older
"Afro Samurai" ... D
America: From Freedom to Fascism (2006) ... F
Bug ... C
"Cities of the Underworld" ... C-
Evan Almighty ... C+
Evening ... C-
Fracture ... C
"Ice Road Truckers" ... F
Kickin' It Old Skool ... F
Knocked Up ... B
The Mars Underground ... B-
Meet the Robinsons ... B
Mr. Bean's Holiday ... D+
Nancy Drew ... B+
Ocean's Thirteen ... C+
Sicko ... B-
Spider-Man 3 ... C+
Sugar Creek ... D+
Wind Chill ... C

My Problem Isn't Medical ... It's Psychological!

2007-07-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: The Meh Precursor to Dazed and Confused; Flowers of Shanghai; Infernal Affairs)

New
"Afro Samurai" ... D
America: From Freedom to Fascism (2006) ... F
Bug ... C
"Cities of the Underworld" ... C-
Evan Almighty ... C+
Evening ... C-
Fracture ... C
"Ice Road Truckers" ... F
Kickin' It Old Skool ... F
Knocked Up ... B
The Mars Underground ... B-
Meet the Robinsons ... B
Mr. Bean's Holiday ... D+
Nancy Drew ... B+
Ocean's Thirteen ... C+
Sicko ... B-
Spider-Man 3 ... C+
Sugar Creek ... D+
Wind Chill ... C

Older
Blades of Glory ... C-
The Condemned ... C+
Disturbia ... B-
The Ex ... D+
The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer ... C-
1408 ... C
Hot Fuzz ... B-
The Invisible ... C-
Live Free or Die Hard ... B+
Old Joy (2006) ... B
Paprika ... B+
Paris, Je T'aime ... C
Ratatouille ... B+
Shrek the Third ... D+
Surf's Up ... C+
28 Weeks Later ... C
Wild Hogs ... C+

Nilbog ... It's Goblin Spelled Backwards!

2007-06-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

Film Log (added: Aquamarine; Duel; The Battleship Vague Nationalism; The Gold Rush; Life is Beautiful ... In My Delusional Mind)

Winds of Change?

New
Blades of Glory ... C-
The Condemned ... C+
Disturbia ... B-
The Ex ... D+
The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer ... C-
1408 ... C
Hot Fuzz ... B-
The Invisible ... C-
Live Free or Die Hard ... B+
Old Joy (2006) ... B
Paprika ... B+
Paris, Je T'aime ... C
Ratatouille ... B+
Shrek the Third ... C
Surf's Up ... C+
28 Weeks Later ... C
Wild Hogs ... C+

Older
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres ... B-
Are We Done Yet? ... F
Blood and Chocolate ... C-
Codename: The Cleaner ... C-
Deliver Us From Evil (2006) ... C+
D.O.A. ... C-
For Your Consideration (2006) ... B-
The Good German (2006) ... C-
Grindhouse ... B-
The Hoax ... B-
The Last Mimzy ... C+
Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) ... C+
Next ... C
Notes on a Scandal (2006) ... C+
The Number 23 ... C-
Pathfinder ... D+
Premonition ... C
Renaissance (2006) ... C+
Shooter ... C-
Sleeping Dogs Lie (2006) ... C+
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days (2006) ... C-
Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny (2006) ... C
300 ... C
TMNT ... C+
Vacancy ... B

In the Words of Socrates ... I Drank What?

2007-05-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

(How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned!!!)

(Terrible Movie-thon: The Beast of Yucca Flats, 6/10/07, Street Fighter: The Movie, 6/5/07, White Chicks, 6/4/07, The Final Sacrifice, 5/31/07, Prince of Space, 5/29/07, Time Chasers, 5/28/07, The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, 5/27/07, Mazes and Monsters, 5/24/07, Queen of the Damned, 5/20/07, Blue Demon, 5/15/07, Communion, 5/10/07, Simon Birch, 5/9/07)

New
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres - **1/2
Are We Done Yet? - Zero!
Blood and Chocolate - *1/2
Codename: The Cleaner - *1/2
Deliver Us From Evil (2006) - ** '
D.O.A. - *1/2
For Your Consideration (2006) - **1/2 '
The Good German (2006) - *1/2
Grindhouse - **1/2 '
The Hoax - **1/2
The Last Mimzy - ** '
Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) - **1/2
Next - **
Notes on a Scandal (2006) - ** '
The Number 23 - **
Pathfinder - *
Premonition - **
Renaissance (2006) - ** '
Shooter - *1/2
Sleeping Dogs Lie (2006) - ** '
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days (2006) - *1/2
Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny (2006) - **
300 - **
TMNT - ** '
Vacancy - **1/2

Older
Because I Said So - 1/2
Black Snake Moan - ** '
Blood Diamond (2006) - *
Breach - **1/2 '
Catch and Release - ** '
The Curse of the Golden Flower (2006) - **1/2 '
Epic Movie - Zero!
Ghost Rider - *
Happily N'Ever After - *1/2
The Host - **1/2
I Think I Love My Wife - **1/2
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006) - Zero!
La Moustache (2006) - **1/2
Music and Lyrics - **1/2
Norbit - Zero!
The Protector (2006) - *1/2
The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) - ** '
The Queen (2006) - **1/2
Reno 911: Miami - *1/2
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles (2006) - **1/2
The Science of Sleep (2006) - **1/2
Tideland (2006) - ** '
Ultimate Avengers (2006) - **1/2
Ultimate Avengers II (2006) - ** '
Volver (2006) - **1/2 '

Recently Viewed
Aguirre, the Wrath of God - **1/2 ' (58)
Barefoot Gen - * (17)
Batman - **1/2 ' (56)
The Beast of Yucca Flats - 1/2 (7)
The Big Lebowski - **1/2 ' (57)
Blade II - **1/2 (54)
Blue Demon - Zero! (2)
Bound - **1/2 ' (55)
Carrie - * (14) (Angst more plz kthx)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - ** ' (47)
Chungking Express - *** (62)
Communion - * (14)
The Day After Tomorrow - 1/2 (9)
Dazed and Confused - ***1/2 ' (86)
The Dirty Dozen - **1/2 ' (59)
Dirty Harry - **1/2 (52)
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie - *** ' (69)
The Elephant Man - * (20) (Adagio for Strings ... *erk* ... Also, Elephant Man sees so much beauty LOL)
The Exorcist - **1/2 (54)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off - *1/2 (23)
Final Fantasy Tactics - ***1/2 ' (84)
The Final Sacrifice - Zero! (2)
Fireworks (Hana-Bi) - **1/2 ' (57)
A Fistful of Dollars - **1/2 ' (57)
For a Few Dollars More - *** (64)
Goodfellas - *** (64)
The Graduate - *1/2 (24)
The Grand Illusion - **1/2 ' (60)
Grandma's Boy - *1/2 (28) (That dude just won with Potemkin ... I don't believe you. Also, was that a gravity cat shout-out?)
Gremlins - ** (35)
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle - ** ' (44)
He Got Game - 1/2 (8)
The Howling - *1/2 (25)
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead - **1/2 (53)
In the Mood For Love - ***1/2 (79)
Irma Vep - *** (61)
Jaws - **1/2 ' (55)
Jersey Girl - *1/2 (29)
Jurassic Park - *1/2 (31) (Deus ex Dinosaur, omg)
Jurassic Park III - ** ' (43) (Raptor Jesus! Is that baby for sale?)
The Lost World: Jurassic Park - ** (33)
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance - **1/2 ' (59)
The Man Who Would Be King - *** (63)
Mazes and Monsters - 1/2 (10)
Millenium Actress - ***1/2 ' (86)
Mission Impossible - **1/2 (51)
"Moral Orel" - ** ' (45)
My Neighbor Totoro - *** (62)
Nosferatu (1922) - **1/2 (51)
Paths of Glory - **1/2 ' (57)
Porco Rosso - **** ' (98)
Pretty Woman - ** ' (43)
Prince of Space - 1/2 (8)
Queen of the Damned - * (17)
The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy - Zero! (5)
Rules of the Game - *** (67)
Seven Swords - **1/2 (54)
Simon Birch - 1/2 (9)
Sneakers - **1/2 (53)
Speed - *** (63)
Stagecoach (1939) - **1/2 (50)
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - **1/2 (50)
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country - **1/2 ' (55)
Stick It - **1/2 ' (57)
Street Fighter: The Movie - *1/2 (25)
Time Chasers - Zero! (4)
Touch the Sound - **1/2 (52)
Troll 2 - * (16) (We need time ... for something to happen!)
A View to a Kill - ** ' (48)
The Village - ** (33)
What the #$*! Do We Know? - *1/2 (21)
White Chicks - Zero! (3)

I'm Glad You Guys ... Skipped the Class Today!

2007-03-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

(We're havin' fun, aren't we?)

(Apologies for the hiatus, certain scholastic projex have drawn my attention away from gems like Epic Movie and Norbit. Profs should assign these more often ... almost)

(Terrible Movie-thon: Date Movie, 5/6/07, Norbit, 4/24/07, You Got Served, 4/20/07, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, 4/19/07, Tank Girl, 4/16/07, Manos: The Hands of Fate, 4/9/07, Wing Commander, 4/4/07, C.H.U.D., 3/26/07, The Howling III : The Marsupials, 3/24/07, Epic Movie, 3/20/07, Happily N'Ever After, 3/19/07)

New
Because I Said So - 1/2
Black Snake Moan - ** '
Blood Diamond (2006) - *
Breach - **1/2 '
Catch and Release - ** '
The Curse of the Golden Flower (2006) - **1/2 '
Epic Movie - Zero!
Ghost Rider - *
Happily N'Ever After - *1/2
The Host - **1/2
I Think I Love My Wife - **1/2
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector - Zero!
La Moustache (2006) - **1/2
Music and Lyrics - **1/2
Norbit - Zero!
The Protector (2006) - *1/2
The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) - ** '
The Queen (2006) - **1/2
Reno 911: Miami - *1/2
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles (2006) - **1/2
The Science of Sleep (2006) - **1/2
Tideland (2006) - ** '
Ultimate Avengers (2006) - **1/2
Ultimate Avengers II (2006) - ** '
Volver (2006) - **1/2 '

Older
Apocalypto (2006) - **1/2 '
Arthur and the Invisibles - **1/2
Bobby (2006) - *
Bridge to Terabithia - **1/2 '
Eragon (2006) - **
A Good Year (2006) - ** '
The Holiday (2006) - *1/2
Idiocracy (2006) - **1/2 '
Rocky Balboa (2006) - **
Seraphim Falls - **1/2
Smokin' Aces - **
Stomp the Yard - 1/2
Unaccompanied Minors (2006) - **1/2
We Are Marshall (2006) - **
Zodiac - ***

Recently Viewed
Akira Kurosawa's Dreams - ** (38) (The weighted breakdown: Sunshine Through the Rain - 26, The Peach Orchard - 37, The Blizzard - 43, The Tunnel - 62, Crows - 44, Mt. Fuji in Red - 8, The Weeping Demon - 7, Village of the Watermills - 30)
Anatomy of a Murder - **1/2 ' (58)
The Apartment - ***1/2 ' (86)
The Big Sleep - *** ' (72)
Big Trouble in Little China - **1/2 ' (58)
Chrono Cross - **** (94)
C.H.U.D. - ** (42)
Date Movie - Zero! (1)
Day of the Jackal - **1/2 (53)
Dead Man - **1/2 (52)
Delicatessen - **1/2 ' (57)
Dial M For Murder - **1/2 ' (58)
Double Indemnity - *** (62)
Dersu Uzala (1975) - **1/2 (52)
Equilibrium - ** (39)
Faust (1926) - ** ' (44)
Flushed Away - ***1/2 (76)
Gates of Heaven - ** ' (48)
Goodbye Dragon Inn - **1/2 (50)
The Hidden Fortress - *** (66)
The Howling III: The Marsupials - Zero! (2)
Insomnia (2002) - **1/2 (51)
The Iron Giant - *** ' (74)
Key Largo - **1/2 ' (59)
The Manchurian Candidate (1962) - **1/2 (50)
Manos: The Hands of Fate - Zero! (2)
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - 1/2 (8)
Papillon - **1/2 (51)
Psycho (1960) - *** (61)
The Searchers - **1/2 (54)
Star Wars (Episode II): Attack of the Clones - **1/2 (53)
A Story of Floating Weeds - **1/2 (49)
Tank Girl - 1/2 (10)
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job - 1/2 (9)
Tomorrow Never Dies - **1/2 (50)
Touching the Void - ***1/2 (76)
Trainspotting - 1/2 (10)
The Vanishing (1988) - ** ' (45)
While You Were Sleeping - ** (42)
Wing Commander - * (20)
The World is Not Enough - **1/2 (50)
You Got Served - Zero! (3)
Zardoz - **1/2 (54)

This Tastes Like Rat Poison ... I Love Rat Poison!

2007-01-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

(There is no POST, there is only EDIT. Also, L'Oscars, emphasis on loss. I nominate Ski Troop Attack for everything.)

(Doesn't seem too far off for January)

(Terrible Movie-thon: Rollerball, 3/16/07, The Octagon, 3/15/07, Karate Dog, 3/7/07, Teenage Caveman, The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent, 3/3/07, Eragon, 2/27/07, Crossover, 2/22/07, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, The Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch, 2/17/07, I Accidentally Domed Your Son, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, 2/12/07, Wildcats, 2/8/07, Ski Troop Attack, 2/6/07)

New
Apocalypto (2006) - **1/2 '
Arthur and the Invisibles - **1/2
Bobby (2006) - *
Bridge to Terabithia - **1/2 '
Eragon (2006) - **
A Good Year (2006) - ** '
The Holiday (2006) - *1/2
Idiocracy (2006) - **1/2 '
Rocky Balboa (2006) - **
Seraphim Falls - **1/2
Smokin' Aces - **
Stomp the Yard - 1/2
Unaccompanied Minors (2006) - **1/2
We Are Marshall (2006) - **
Zodiac - ***

Older
Charlotte's Web - **1/2 '
Children of Men - **1/2
CSA: Confederate States of America - *1/2
Deja Vu - ***
Dreamgirls - ** '
Flags of Our Fathers - ** '
The Fountain - *1/2
The Good Shepherd - **
Happy Feet - **
Lonesome Jim - *1/2
Mongolian Ping Pong - **1/2 '
Night at the Museum - ** '
Open Season - ** '
Pan's Labyrinth - **1/2 '
The Prestige - ***1/2 '

Recently Viewed
The Abyss - ** ' (43)
Bananas - **1/2 (49)
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm - **1/2 (49)
Bedazzled (2000) - **1/2 ' (55)
Blade Runner - *** (65)
Bottle Rocket - **1/2 (50)
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - Zero! (4)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - *** ' (70)
Casino Royale (2006) - *** ' (71)
Chariots of Fire - **1/2 ' (56)
The Chumscrubber - 1/2 (12)
Crossover - * (18)
Deconstructing Harry - **1/2 (53)
Eraserhead - *** (61) (A rating-resistant film if I ever saw one - oh wait, I did - which admittedly is not how an NT prefers to go about this kind of thing, surrealistic or not. I guess it's unfair to make a comparison to 2001, considering it was still narrative cinema, just disjointed and symbolic, while Eraserhead is closer to cloud-gazing for shapes and objects. Of course, though Lynch declared it a field day for interpretation - such open-endedness I'd almost call complexity, and had I done so I probably would have felt pretty good about it, hence where other people are coming from - the ingenuity and control of his technical repetoire is damn near irrefutable, a level of capability, and in some respects measureability, that I really didn't see in Mulholland Drive. Problem remains though, the irony that Lynch's dream-like methods connect intellecutally but just don't do a thang for the aesthetics)
Erin Brockovich - *** (61)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial - ** ' (44) (Meh)
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) - ** ' (45)
The Experiment - ** ' (48)
The Faculty - 1/2 (9)
The Fog (1980) - ** ' (46) (There's something in The Fog ... zomg it's H2O!)
Frailty - *1/2 (29)
Frenzy - **1/2 ' (59)
The Fugitive - **1/2 ' (57)
Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence - *** (66)
Girl, Interrupted - ** (38)
The Grey Zone - **1/2 (51)
Hang 'Em High - **1/2 (50)
Hard-Boiled - *** (61)
High Plains Drifter - **1/2 (51)
High Noon - **1/2 ' (60)
The Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch - Zero! (4)
I Accidentally Domed Your Son - Zero! (2)
Interiors - **1/2 (49)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) - ** ' (48) (sans prologue / epilogue, 52)
Karate Dog - Zero! (4)
Lawrence of Arabia - *** ' (70)
Lilo and Stitch - **1/2 ' (55)
M - **1/2 (51)
Magnetic Rose [s] - **** (93)
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster - * (19)
Mona Lisa Smile - ** ' (45)
The Mothman Prophecies - **1/2 (52)
Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind - *** (63)
Notorious - **1/2 ' (57)
The Octagon - * (17)
Once Upon a Time in the West - *** ' (68)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - **1/2 ' (55)
Pulp Fiction - ***1/2 ' (87)
Rollerball (2002) - Zero! (5)
The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent - *1/2 (32)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - Zero! (3)
Schindler's List - *** ' (69)
Ski Troop Attack - Zero! (5)
Small Time Crooks - **1/2 (50)
State and Main - *** (64)
The Sting - **1/2 ' (60)
The Straight Story - **1/2 (53)
Sullivan's Travels - **1/2 (52)
Super Troopers - * (18)
Teenage Caveman (1958) - * (20)
Terminator 2: Judgement Day - ***1/2 (77)
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines - *** ' (69)
The Thin Blue Line - *** (65)
Three Colors: Blue - **1/2 ' (58)
The Triplets of Belleville - **1/2 (49)
12 Angry Men - *** ' (73)
Umberto D - **1/2 ' (59)
Waking Life - **1/2 (54)
The Wild Bunch - *** (67)
Wildcats - Zero! (2)
Young Frankenstein - *** (62)

Hey Kid ... I'm a Computer!

2006-12-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

(Stop all the downloadin'!)

(Newest on the Terrible Movie-thon: Catwoman, Dark Harvest 2: The Maize, Plan 9 From Outer Space, 1/20/07, 8 Mile, 1/19/07, Haggard: The Movie, 1/15/07, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, Demolition Man, 1/3/07, The Yu-Gi-Oh Movie, 1/2/07, Troll, Troll 2, Underclassman, 12/31/06)

(Since this site is basically a work in progress anyways and my favorite choices have been visible from the start, I don't feel too unprepared about posting end of the year comments despite gaping holes in the lineup of films I've seen for 2006. Expect major changes in a month or two's time, but that's kind of how it works when you can't TIFF)

New
Charlotte's Web - **1/2 '
Children of Men - **1/2
CSA: Confederate States of America - *1/2
Deja Vu - ***
Dreamgirls - ** '
Flags of Our Fathers - ** '
The Fountain - *1/2
The Good Shepherd - **
Happy Feet - **
Lonesome Jim - *1/2
Mongolian Ping Pong - **1/2 '
Night at the Museum - ** '
Open Season - ** '
Pan's Labyrinth - **1/2 '
The Prestige - ***1/2 ' (Round 2...)

Older
The Black Dahlia - *1/2
Duck Season - ***
Edmond - *
Facing the Giants - 1/2
The Great Yokai War - **1/2
The Hidden Blade - **1/2
Little Man - Zero!
Man of the Year - ** '
Marie Antoinette - **1/2 '
School for Scoundrels - *1/2

Recently Viewed
Amelie - **1/2 ' (58)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - *** (62)
Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) - **1/2 (53)
Blade - ** ' (46)
Blue Velvet - *** (62)
Catwoman - 1/2 (10)
The City of Lost Children - ** ' (45)
Dark Harvest 2: The Maize - Zero! (2)
Demolition Man - * (19)
Destiny (1921) - **1/2 (52)
Edward Scissorhands - *** (61)
8 Mile - Zero! (4)
8 Women - ***1/2 (75)
Face/Off - **1/2 ' (56)
The Fifth Element - ** ' (43)
Flushed Away - ***1/2 (76)
Grave of the Fireflies - ** ' (45)
Haggard: The Movie - Zero! (1)
Ikiru - **1/2 ' (59)
An Inconvenient Truth - *** ' (71)
Jerry Maguire - **1/2 ' (55)
Last Life in the Universe - **1/2 (49)
Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 - Zero! (5)
Oldboy - **1/2 ' (57)
Plan 9 From Outer Space - ** ' (47)
Red Beard - **1/2 ' (57)
Ronin - *** (62)
Say Anything - ** (41)
Seppuku - *** (62)
Sleeper - *** (61)
Some Like It Hot - ***1/2 ' (84)
Stalag 17 - *** ' (72)
Terminator - **1/2 ' (57)
The Third Man - *** ' (69)
Troll - * (19)
Troll 2 - 1/2 (8)
Tron - ** (36) (This was about twenty times better when it was called Star Wars and there was more to it than graphics)
28 Days Later - ** ' (46)
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit - *** ' (71)
Underclassman - * (13)
The Yu-Gi-Oh Movie - 1/2 (10)

If You Can't Downvote It, You Can Probably Slash Its Tires

2006-12-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

Tune in for the winter break Terrible-Moviethon, which I inanely opted for over a Miyazaki Marathon! (Newest: Judge Dredd, 12/21/06, Facing the Giants, 12/20/06, Battlefield Earth, 12/14/06, From Justin to Kelly, 12/13/06)

No real update on The Golden Nopes since it just isn't worth it. The presence of The Devil Wears Prada is certainly pleasant, but each single legitimate decision is engulfed by two or three Babel and Little Children-isms of the biz, the very worst in sickening awards show pandering. Tune out until the Oscars, that's the key; why bother with the small fries when the big ones still make hilarious missteps by way of knocking over equipment and unearthing cinematic legends who are no longer able to read the teleprompters?

New
The Black Dahlia - *1/2
Duck Season - ***
Edmond - *
Facing the Giants - 1/2
The Great Yokai War - **1/2
The Hidden Blade - **1/2
Little Man - Zero!
Man of the Year - ** '
Marie Antoinette - **1/2 '
School for Scoundrels - *1/2

Older
Babel - *1/2
Borat - **1/2
Casino Royale - *** '
Fast Food Nation - **
Flushed Away - ***1/2
Gridiron Gang - *
The Grudge 2 - 1/2
The Guardian - ** '
Kekexili: Mountain Patrol - *** '
Neil Young: Heart of Gold - **1/2 '
The Prestige - ***
Running With Scissors - Zero!
Stranger than Fiction - **1/2

Recently Viewed
Battlefield Earth - 1/2 (10)
The Devil Wears Prada - *** ' (73)
From Justin to Kelly - 1/2 (10)
Going Overboard - Zero! (1)
House of the Dead - 1/2 (12)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - *** ' (71) (That held up surprisingly well. I credit, at least in part, the abundance of self-reflexive historical gags; see also National Treasure, where Nick Cage steals the Declaration of Independence and the gift shop makes him pay for the replica.)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - **1/2 (52) (Still passable by today's standards given that it's semi-legitimate entertainment, which honestly worries me a bit. Remember the part in Battlefield Earth where the native yells "BAGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" when his friend is shot down? That was awesome.)
Judge Dredd - * (17)
Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace - * (15)
Masterminds - **1/2 ' (56) (Reasonably engrossing material, if sullied footage re-creation tactics. "An unparalled salesman and launderer, he was at the top of his game ... UNTIL--" Cue freeze frame. And soft-focus.)
The Omega Code - 1/2 (11)
Patton - ***1/2 (82)
Pi - *1/2 (22) (i.e. We're All Mathematically Connected, though truthfully it's pretty pathetic Aronofsky expects his petty referencing of Euclid or Archimedes to pass as legitimate mathematical analysis, or as proof that indeed such intricate patterns can be found in nature. Or in this case, the stock market - trust me bud, it doesn't work like that. So this is where the inspiration for Requiem for a Dream came from, as the man takes his pain medication, DJ Darren hops up the action with sound effects-heavy quick cuts and close-ups - WSSSSSSH whir TOCK glug glug glug glug SSSSSSSSSAH! - while the music takes a page from Rez and syncs up with the action on screen, though unsurprisingly it's nowhere near as relevant or as expertly crafted. None of the people matter, which is probably why you know nothing about any of them, and next to nothing about the "hero," seeing as Aronofsky's too busy weaving savvy ties where they don't exist and invoking callings of religion and higher authority to augment the authenticity factor. It's dismal when Aronofsky goes for FX on his 16 mm - i.e. the 360 around the cranium, which didn't work in Primer either, though there it was more hilarious since Shane Carruth just sorta stood there agape - but utterly sad when spiral mise-en-scene is purposely employed to buff up the film's mathemamumbo-jumbo. Essentially it's one great scene - i.e. when Max hallucinates himself embracing his initially amorous next-door-neighbor then wakes up and understands he's reaped emptiness from his life of obsession and hysteria - amidst a sea of trash. 22 comes out to a low 3 on a 1-10 scale, which unintentionally enough works out at close to 3.14159... Fancy that)
Z - *** ' (71)

Get That Kid Off My Ice You Little Wankers!

2006-11-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

Robert Altman, 1925 - 2006

New
Babel - 1/2
Borat - **1/2
Casino Royale - ***
Fast Food Nation - **
Flushed Away - ***1/2
Gridiron Gang - *
The Grudge 2 - 1/2
The Guardian - ** '
Kekexili: Mountain Patrol - *** '
Little Man - Zero!
Neil Young: Heart of Gold - **1/2 '
The Prestige - ***
Running With Scissors - Zero!
Stranger than Fiction - **1/2

Older
Beerfest - *
The Departed - **1/2 '
District B-13 - **1/2 '
Flyboys - *1/2
Little Children - Zero!
Stormbreaker - ** '

Recently Viewed
City of God - * (15) (Music by far the most telltale give-away of this turgid, 85% exposition, kitchen-sink crime saga; gogo gangsta trumpets ba-ba-ba-ba-bom-BRAOOOOOOOOOOO, or a little gee-tar to romanticize the glorious hold-up wiki wiki WOWEYOWEYOEEEEEEEEE! Complete silence for the en masse death pan-overs, olol we're so happy about that we'll do it twice! Most Pathetic Stab at Badass Irony Award: Everybody wuz kung fu fighting - cue shoot-out. What the lame?)
Dark Water (2002) - **1/2 (53)
The Day the Earth Stood Still - **1/2 (53)
Fruits Basket - *** ' (74) (Preliminary, 50% watched)
The Great Escape - *** ' (72)
Groundhog Day - ***1/2 (75) (Most Unforseeably Awesome Punches Dept, take two, after The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and "Who says I ain't civilised?" ... Ned????? Do we have a third, anybody?)
Howl's Moving Castle - ***1/2 ' (88) (Man's got a gift...)
In the Company of Men - *** (65)
Intacto - ** ' (46)
The Maltese Falcon - *** ' (73)
The Man Who Wasn't There - **1/2 (53)
Manhattan - ***1/2 (79)
Mulholland Drive - **1/2 ' (59)
Ninja Scroll - **1/2 ' (56)
Pet Sematary - 1/2 (10) (You uh, well, um, something seems to be, ah, misspelled. On a related note, can you spell ... NEDM?!?)
Puddle Cruiser - 1/2 (11)
Raiders of the Lost Ark - ***1/2 (77)
Run Lola Run - *1/2 (29) (You mean different events cause different outcomes o rly? Life's juz a gamble, the only tangible thing to be gained is helping others - guess that's legitimate, but can we stop with all the bullshit when Thing 1 asks of Thing 2 "what if you don't know what you think you know?" Give it a rest, mein fruend)
The Seventh Seal - ** ' (47)
The Thing (1982) - **1/2 (49) (Need a light?)
The Twilight Samurai - **1/2 ' (56)
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg - *** ' (70)
Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman - **1/2 ' (55)

I'll Have Ma Chao for Breakfast... And Dim Sum!

2006-10-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

New
Beerfest - *
The Departed - **1/2 '
District B-13 - **1/2 '
Flyboys - *1/2
Little Children - Zero!
Stormbreaker - ** '
Three Times - **1/2 '

Older
All the King's Men - *1/2
Azumi - **1/2
Fearless - **1/2 '
Zoom - Zero!
Clerks II - ** '
Half Nelson - ** '
You, Me and Dupree - 1/2

Recently Viewed
Aquamarine - ***1/2 ' (84)
Batman Begins - *** ' (72)
Broken Lizard's Club Dread - ** (39) (We like our scary movie spoofs when they're, well, called Scary Movie - oh, and when they actually have skill. I will, however, give props to the deliberate refusal to parody Psycho - i.e. thanks for nothing Van Sant! - though everything else was admittedly pretty tame. The real question is, does M. Night Shyamalan's work require spoofing or does he already do that himself?)
The Conversation - **1/2 ' (59)
The Core - ** ' (43) (404 Access Denied ... What ... ?)
Danny Phantom - *** ' (72)
Desperate Housewives - *1/2 (32)
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - * (19) (The scary part is this guy went on to direct Sky High... Now are we convinced it's the year's best screenplay? etc)
Donnie Darko - **1/2 ' (58) (Future events such as these will affect you in the future!!! Fingerprint the axe people, I mean jesus)
Ed Wood - *** (66) (Pull the strings!)
The Emperor's New Groove - *** ' (73) (olol confusing subtext - same-sex social issues nay, yay - ah screw it, both! 75% Fairly OddParents-ish, which consequently is one of the highest compliments I can pay. I'll put that box inside another box! etc)
The Fairly OddParents - ***1/2 ' (88) (Again etc)
Fargo - ** ' (45)
First Strike - ** ' (46)
The French Connection - **1/2 ' (56)
Ghost in the Shell - ***1/2 (76)
Ju-On: The Grudge - *1/2 (30) (Remember when FEMALE #2 found that ghost under her covers etc...)
Monster House - *** ' (70)
Pale Rider - ** ' (45)
Repo Man - ** (37) (Man I wish some alien car would whisk me away from the real world because other people are jerks. It DOES. The END)
The Royal Tenenbaums - *** (61)
Rumble in the Bronx - **1/2 ' (59)
Rush Hour - ** ' (46)
Rush Hour 2 - ** ' (47) (Needs about fifty more at this rate, though the world would probably run out of money to pay Tucker by around, oh, say 7?)
The Transporter - *** (61) (Don't know why nobody really digs these - maybe the likes of Stealth, The Island, and other blockbuster heavyweights has sullied the reputation of anything action-oriented whatsoever, but I prefer my action flicks to have creative combat, fair fights, and no aureate bullshit that the film isn't prepared to execute properly - and The Transporter delivers. Nifty, if somewhat unspectacular; heart-seekers' aims are equally represented with the notion of setting aside one's "rules" and thinking of somebody else for a change, while everyone else should be able to just dispense with the nitpicky pretense - it's not exactly the greatest film in the world but goddammit you better be entertained. I guess you're supposed to see the first before the second, huh...)
True Romance - ** ' (44)
12 Angry Men - *** ' (73)
Unforgiven - ***1/2 (79)
Waiting for Guffman - **1/2 (51) (Problem with making a mocumentary about the admiration of mediocrity is you still gotta sit through all the mediocrity)
What Dreams May Come - *1/2 (26) (Starts with colorless drama and annoying Descartes-isms, ultimately gives way to border-line offensive ideas on love that involve being sincere and trying really hard - oh, and also sappy monologuing. Self-important and inconclusive - watch that slo-mo gooooo... Funny how shipwrecks demarcate the gateway to Hell - olol Titanic? - though defiantly irritating in how half-ass all the death details are. "Concentrate harder," "when you do, you will" etc. Thoroughly pointless that Williams's kids appear to him as other people, though unintentionally hilarious that they're of different ethnicities - zomg racial equality! - as is the sword 'n' rifle-toting band of medieval henchmen who guard the portcullis to the whatchamahooey in Hell. Plenty of overblown exchanges, yet almost no explanation on the whole dying ordeal, just a lot of arbitrary warnings of one reality becoming another or getting sucked into a portal to fool audiences into assuming there's some sort of "risk" involved in Robin Williams's little tuck-and-roll sortie into Hell to pick up his hubby. The much-touted visuals are of course solid, but misguided; after all, it doesn't exactly take much imagination to depict Heaven as a sprawling rainbow utopia, and when you put it all in perspective it's essentially two hours of nothing, concluding with the hero being given everything he could have asked for. Legitimate subplots I guess, though they're bland as hell - "I'm not you Dad!" - and props to whoever came up with the idea to make Heaven's instant transport system involve closing your eyes, setting the stage for the obligatory cut scene transition. Nice cinematographical move, friend. And yet it's still better than World Trade Center...)

You Are Part of the Rebel Alliance and a Trader! Show Me Your Wares!

2006-09-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

New
Al Franken: God Spoke - *
All the King's Men - *1/2
Azumi - **1/2
Fearless - **1/2 '
The Last Kiss - *1/2
Three Times - **1/2 '
Zoom - 1/2 (Oh me oh my oh *sigh*)

Older
Clerks II - **1/2 '
Half Nelson - ** '
Jesus Camp - ***
You, Me and Dupree - 1/2
Trust the Man - 1/2
The Wicker Man - *1/2

Recently Viewed
Adaptation - **1/2 ' (60)
Akira - **** (93)
Almost Famous - **1/2 (50)
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - **1/2 (49)
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me - **1/2 (53) (50% repeated gags that, well, weren't so great the first time around either, 25% lazy scatological sorbet, and 25% genuine improvement. Sharper spoofing accounts for the slight increase, what with the palaverous explanations of time machine know-how or Dr. Evil's admission that Powers's blatant cheating via replication is "ri-goddam-diculous," though you wish someone would firm up the material so there's more odd mannerisms - i.e. Dr. Evil demonstrating the moon's orbit, only for it to crankily come to a halt at its apogee - and less Powers drinking, well how would you say it, "coffee?")
The Birds - **1/2 ' (58) (Lmao bird attacks - peck... peck... peck... I'll end this picture when I damn well please!)
Bulworth - *1/2 (30) (aka You Got Politically Served. And how many African-American / chicken, African-American / weapon, or gunshot jokes can you stuff in until they get old? Like 18? Oh it's okay though, they make sure to give Berry a minute long political rant. Oh, my mistake, too subtle. Let Don Cheadle, Sean Astin, oh, and pretty much everyone reiterate the same crap for 75% of the movie. Only legitimate humor perhaps the BGM... Insane in the membrane ROoOoOoOoOoOWR!!!!! Of course most of that stems from the song itself, and naturally it's played over and over, cram that white fish-outta-water down yo throat - maybe it'd be more forgiveable if the remainder of the film wasn't complete bull... worth.)
Cars - *** (61)
Chasing Amy - ** (40) (Note to guys, DON'T see this with your friends. Y'know, better yet...)
The Devil Wears Prada - *** ' (71)
Dogma - ** ' (48)
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb - ***1/2 (81)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - ***1/2 ' (88)
Heathers - *1/2 (27) (Dear diary... So many cheap shots and terrible one-liners, so little subtlety. Kind of interesting how a film can simultaneously try to empathasize with its characters - or at least use them to that extent - and smirk down upon them. Ditches endearing naivety of something like Clueless for holier-than-thou teen nihilism - i.e. I hate everything, other people should just kill themselves - and then proceeds to write everyone off as complete caricature, deciding their fates in such a way to instate teen's angsty, outdated outrage as a Big Deal and representative of collective interaction between all people. Perfectly planned, of course, or in this case, deck-stacked really, JD the aloof rebel who gets his disdain from his daddy, as well as the explosives to blow up his school. Maybe could have worked if it wasn't so ultra-serious and self-important, or if its stabs at high school cliches had any bite or accuracy, or if it wasn't ninety minutes of pure self-indulgence before a quaint turn-around that stipulates we all jus' wanna be loved and accepted etc etc. Poses as black comedy; in truth it's just black.)
Memento - **** (93)
North by Northwest - *** (65) (Northwest-pointing mise-en-scene ftw!)
Quills - ** (36) (Oh behave...)
Thank You For Smoking - **1/2 (54)
Total Recall - **1/2 ' (58) (Instant atmosphere ftw! Remember kids, wear a wet towel around your head - that way because you can't see the bad guys, they can't see you. Still some interesting bits on memory, though it's got nothing on Memento or Magnetic Rose, which astute viewers might notice has been on the rise. Dashed Hopes Department: the number two bad guy's second-in-command catches Schwarzenegger flat-footed but fails to pull the trigger - one assumes flaw in his confidence or perhaps even mercifulness, until his boss comes up and the man explains it's merely unsafe to shoot off his gun since it might depressurize the dome.)
The Wages of Fear - ***1/2 ' (87)

"Least Anticipated" section added to the Archives in a bored attempt to pre-emptively serve annoying films I will probably watch but don't really want to.

Emberrrrrrr!

2006-09-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I realize these are largely irrelevant. And intellectual property Butch Hartman / property of Nickolodeon. This thing just needs pictures every once in a while)

Ratings on non-TIFF films to come late Tuesday early Wednesday. Available entities within the realm of possibility include The Covenant, Hollywoodland, The Protector, Accepted, Beerfest, The Wicker Man, and Trust the Man. TIFF films to come... when they're released (or not) outside of Toronto. HFS I'm just that lucky.

New
Trust the Man - 1/2
The Wicker Man - *1/2

Older
Crank - ** '
How to Eat Fried Worms - ***
The Illusionist - **
Invincible - ** '
John Tucker Must Die - *1/2
Little Miss Sunshine - *1/2
Quinceanera - **1/2
Snakes on a Plane - **1/2
Step Up - **
World Trade Center - *1/2
Barnyard - *1/2
Pulse - **1/2 '

Recently Viewed
The Bicycle Thief - ** (35) (Hello, my name is ITALIAN GUY. Because my bike was stolen, life sucks, everything sucks. I searched everywhere and could not find it, and when I attempted to force my way out of the middle class by stealing someone else's bike so I could do my job, I was run down and mobbed, thus ending my dreams of economic improvement. Thank you Mr. Sica for stacking the deck, flagrantly prohibiting me from advancing in society, with the only ostensible purpose being to smear my face in the dirt. Did I mention I have no interesting characteristics?)
The Crucible - *** (67) (Perhaps thunder from the ongoing storm is to account for the increase? Staggering nonetheless at times, even without the non-diegetic help)
Full Metal Jacket - *** (64)
Network - ***1/2 ' (84)
Predator - **1/2 ' (55) (How does mud negate thermal scanning? Legitimate macho deconstruction, I guess. Invisibility is such bullcrap.)
The Wicker Man (1973) - **1/2 (49) (Forsooth, it was but a clever ruse!)

Alderaan is Peaceful! We Have No Discernable Weapons!

2006-08-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

New
Crank - ** '
How to Eat Fried Worms - ***
The Illusionist - **
Invincible - ** '
John Tucker Must Die - *1/2
Little Miss Sunshine - *1/2
Quinceanera - **1/2

Older
Snakes on a Plane - **1/2
Step Up - ** '
World Trade Center - *1/2
Barnyard - *1/2
Pulse - ***
The Ant Bully - **
The Descent - **
The Night Listener - **
Scoop - **1/2
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - **1/2 '

Recently Viewed
Alien - ** ' (44) (Loud NOISE, loud NOISE, loud NOISE, not SCARY etc)
Aliens - **1/2 ' (59) (When you encounter an alien or a room-full, stand there and look at them. Most Computer-Like Villain Dept: Queenie and the Plug 'n' Play egg sac. Most Labored Action Scene Award: Ripley and the Lifter Suit. Little kids are still invincible, grenade belts are still awesome)
Brick - *** (67)
Election - **1/2 (53)
Ocean's 11 (1960) - *** (60)
Reservoir Dogs - *** ' (70)
Snatch - **1/2 ' (57)
Traffic - *** (61)

Arbitrary values on the move, mostly trashy TV shows. (The Real World = 1)

I'll Show You Mine Layer If You Show Me Yore-Tiller Nephilim

2006-07-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

First, a great article for any M:tG buffs. Though they've probably already seen it. Oh well.

New
Akeelah and the Bee - ** '
Army of Shadows (1969) - *** '
The Heart of the Game - **1/2 '
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - **1/2
A Scanner Darkly - **1/2 '
Strangers with Candy - *
United 93 - **
Who Killed the Electric Car? - **1/2

Older
The Devil Wears Prada - *** '
Superman Returns - **1/2
Click - *
Just My Luck - **
The Lake House - ** '
Sketches of Frank Gehry - **1/2 '
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - **
Hoot - ** '
Nacho Libre - *1/2
Take the Lead - ** '

Note: Though Army of Shadows is receiving its first US release in 2006, I'm not counting it as part of the yearly lineup. Pulse arriving 4 years late is workable; 37 years is just pushing it. A lot. (Grade: 68)

You Seam Stressed

2006-05-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

A.k.a. the not-so-seamless transition from forum to blog.

New
Basic Instinct 2 - Zero!
Hard Candy - **
Mission Impossible III - **1/2 '
The Notorious Bettie Page - **
Silent Hill - **1/2 '

Older
Ultraviolet - **
Brick - ***
Doogal - *1/2
Friends With Money - **1/2
Lucky Number Slevin - **1/2
Scary Movie 4 - **1/2
Don't Come Knocking - *1/2
L'Enfant (The Child) - **1/2
When a Stranger Calls (2006) - ** '

Recently Viewed
Batman Begins (no change) - *** ' (72)
The Iron Giant - ***1/2 (77)

More to come, naturally.

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